sitting here with zoey on my lap purring contentedly waiting for burt to come home
think i will go to bed early tonight
maybe i wont have the chasing dreams anymore
realized in my counseling session today that the chasing dreams stem from my work, i never accomplish tasks, there is just a never ending pile that i am constantly sifting thru.... chasing it to the end... but there is never an end to it......
hmm

i wonder why, often, i stopped writing here
i know the main reason is all the conflict left my life
well, not all of it, but the romantic conflict left and i am now very happy with burt in our new home.
i have never been so comfortable in a house, it really is a home. and my releationship with burt is wonderful... just what i had been waiting for.... all my life
i suppose the main reason i stopped writing was because no one will read this but me.
the few people who used to follow my trials and tribulations now know i am happy and no longer follow it.
and i also think i probably dont have much to write that is inspiring or worth your time.

so i sit here on a beautiful sunny day, watching the little yellow finches on the bird feeder, waiting for burt to come home so we can go to lunch.
my life is so different now, so much better and so much more..... real.
going to go fill the bird feeders now... so my new little friends will stick around.

why do we dream at night
what makes us have a dream when other nights, most nights
it is a dreamless sleep?
is it something we ate that day
or something, some conflict we encountered?
i have gone years without dreams
and now for several weeks in a row i have had dreams every night
the kind i call 'chasing dreams' when there is a goal of some sort
and i just hate them
i wake up unrested!!!
what is the point there!!