the following is a creativity journal i wrote when i was at the beach a few weeks ago.
i wrote it by hand in a small notebook
i never write by hand, i hate it.
i have transcribed it here......

Creativity or lack there of...

I want to be an artist but I dont know how. I can make jewelry but how creative is stringing beads in a pattern.... or randomly? If I were to paint, what would I paint. Nd do I have any talent for it? I have written poetry before I remember a time that I could picture the salt marshes at the cape so vividly in my head that I just felt stifled because I had to get that image out of my head and on to paper somehow. I remember sitting on my front porch on lovell ave on a sunny morning – writing the poem that expressed the colors that were drilled into my head. It flowed so freely from my pen. And it expressed what I was seeing in my head and me heart.

I am sitting right now on the beach in jerusalem ri looking at the dunes and dune grass. The blue of the sky contrasts with the pale shimmering green of the dune grass and the tan of the sand. I can take a picture of this scene but it does not describe the wind at my back and the smell of salt air and the sunscreen in my nose. It does not describe the gentle waving of the grass in the breeze. As each strand moves – it shimmers with the noonday sunlight upon them. I am thinking of trying mixed media. Maybe paintings w/flat fiber optic beads glued to it. Or maybe mobiles or chimes made from beads. To sell or just enjoy. I like photography but I am no professional and there are so many photograhers out there, what would make my photos special or unique. I enjoy the birds in our backyard. I cannot draw or paint them but I could take pictures of them. I enjoy being by the sea. It brings out the artist in me. And here I am with no media other than pen and paper and a camera and my words.
I used to write a blog and I enjoyed it. I kept up with it daily bur my life is so stable that there is no daily drama that unfolds worth writing about. Technology is not by thing. I deal with it every day but my art will not come from it.

I enjoy collecting rocks and shells either found on the beach or purchased. I would like to do something with these also. Th art in my head is not artificial at all. I enjoy nature – all aspects of it. I enjoy the look of shimmering fish in water, sand and sun, green trees on a summer day.

The waves are full of seaweed now so they are not clear and blue anymore, they are murky and filled with strands of reddish black. But the smell is heavenly. That deep salty smell reminds me of comfort and the warmth of the sun. people walk along the beach talking, holding hands, the shimmer of the sin is wider now because it is lower in the sky.

Maybe I can do something with sand. I saw at tree's place some snowflakes that were molded of sand. They were xmas ornaments and they were from all the different beaches along the cape. I am not sure how they glued them without the glue showing.

I will hav eto google how to make a mobile or wind chimes properly. Make a prototypes.

I cant believe I have been 'hand writing' this for so long. I hate to write things by hand. No one can ever read it including me!

Gentle breeze
blows thru my hair
and makes the fabric of my clothes billow softly
the thunderous noise of the ferry boats
roar in a low tone
as they idle out past
the breakwater
the white noise of the constant waves
lapping against the shore
the splish splash of a child running thru the water
the low chatting of passers by or neighbors on a towel
I can hear them
but I cant make out what they are saying

families spending time together
lovers on a day trip
best friends bonding
fishermen casting into the waves
playing in the water and sand
reading a good book
or writing their thoughts
the sand is alive
constantly changing
building up and washing away
the wind blows the flags
to the right of me
I close my eyes and listen
as the ferry is so far away now
that you can barely hear its roar.
Its partner, the huge
older ferry glides slowly
past the breakwater without a sound



so I just too a little nap and I feel refreshed but groggy
I am wondering how much of this book I can fill.
It is so relaxing and so calming to be here
I cant wait to be here for a whole week
I always feel more creative when I am at the beach and I am not sure why
people are leaving the beach now, it is late afternoon and dinner time. Only a few stragglers
in the water. People shaking out towels and blankets, packing up chairs and umbrellas
I could sit here all night long
as the moon rises high in the sky and the stars twinkle in the black sky.

So after all this creative thought this weekend, where does this leave me?
Am I any different than before?
Will I act on the ideas, thoughts and words I wrote here?
Or will every thing remain the same andi will still feel the need for creativity in my life?
I do not want my art, what ever I choose to do, to be a job or a chore.
I want a creative outlet to make beautiful things for my home and family
with the total immersion of left brain activity all day long with my job, I need some right brain play when I get home
today is hazy and not as bright and shimmery as yesterday. But still do peaceful at the shore
the salt air fills my nose and makes me smile. The waves are ever present, and peaceful ever thought they are filled with red seaweed.
It is so enjoyable being here.

After a weeknd at the cape more ideas
drill holes in beach stones and make jewelry
recycled glass , need a kiln
paint – watercolors -
frames with black grout and beads or tiles to decorate them
mobiles
I also realized I need a creative space
work bench, need pics of ocean etc to get me in the mood
backyard
stone, planters, birds, firepit