i realized that i had not written in several days
mostly because of being tired and not wanting to
i have hit a new point in my life
the point where mother of 13 year old
meets holiday season
meets growing closer to boyfriend
meets stressing about money
meets trying to be myself at all costs

i'm there!

so many little things are happening in my life
nothing really earth shattering but all building upon each other to make the teetering pile that is my life
josh is working very hard with school and since i have taken a greater interest in his school work he seems to get along better with me.... maybe he was just looking for that from me, who knows.

the holiday season is upon us, and thank god we (people in my life) have decicded to cut back a bit on gifts, i still have to get something for my mom and i am making frames for josh's pics and i still have to do that. but other than that, my xmas shopping is done. and most is wrapped already too.

my boyfreind.... wow, what can i say.... things are slowly progressing, i feel very very comfortable with him, i have no reason to be threatened of jealous of with him, he makes me feel great every time we talk or see each other .... he even made me dinner last night. i have never had any man make dinner for me EVER! he is so sweet and i am sooo happy.

money... huh! well.... i asked for a raise today. i was an emotional wreck. i decided i would never be caught up enough to be at the place i want to be when i asked, so i just asked. he was very receptive to listen to me and said he would have to talk to my other boss who is out this week but would let me know. something happens to me when i get emotional when i have to talk to him about stuff, i just close the door and let my guard down. i hate to cry but i really really could not help it
with the pressure of paying the bills, having my credit card maxed out and not quite sure how i will pay the rent this month, it just all built up and i lost it.
but i feel much better since i asked. it was a hurdle i had not wanted to cross over and i just bit the bullet and asked.

there is alot in my head these days and i try to keep it all sane but sometimes it does not work.
i am totally surpised that i am still getting up early and excercising every day for 20 minutes. i can feel a difference in my stamina and mood but no difference in my weight or body yet... dammit.

well, josh is camping all weekend at northwest park, crazy boys! it is freaking cold out there.
i have about 5 loads of laundry to do and maybe just stay in and keep warm....