i just realized that i never left the house today
well, i worked outside cleaning up the back deck area and the front garden
but never got in the car at all.
not even for a coffee

we did more cleaning and sorting
and josh and i watched a movie and played games at the living room table.
it was a nice day

jim is still sick
i hope he is better soon

i am not feeling myself, or the way it used to be.... before our 'situation' on wednesday
i am trying to get back the way i was but i feel odd
because i am trying not to mention our future life together as to show him respect for his decision to wait to introduce me
but on the other hand i feel strained when speaking, hoping i dont overstep

it is like i lost my way
and it feels very odd.
today felt better than the last few days
maybe i am still shaken by the fact that i almost lost him last week
maybe i am still getting my footing back

i hope to get over this eggshell feeling
i spent too many years walking on them
i wont do it again