waking up to a new day
i almost lost it all last night
by telling jim about my mother giving me a hard time about seeing him and the holidays
i in turn made him feel so bad about putting me thru this that he was going to break up with me
luckily, for now, he changed his mind
i say for now because i am waiting to hear from him as of yet today and maybe after he slept on it he may have changed his mind back again

me on the other hand, i have to look at this in a different light
i have to treat it like a long distance relationship and i have to realize how new it really still is, because in a normal 3+ month relationship, people would have gone on probably at least 2 dates a week for that period of time, maybe even more as the months progressed. we have been on very few and so it is almost like part of the relationship is still in the first month.

i am feeling sick to my stomach and i feel like i want to cry
i feel like there is a huge weight on my chest and i am trying to push it off
i know i can do this
i can handle this waiting period, i am the most patient person on earth it seems with all that i put up with when i was with scott and everything else i have done in my life.
i can do this
i have to shake it off and see where it leads

i will not feel better until i hear from him today tho
until i know for sure he is back to normal