today was a good day, mostly because it was a busy day but also because it was the first whole day that i did not live in the past, i did not wish for my ex back and i realized all day long that my ex is in my past, not my present and not my future.
mom had the scan but we dont know what the lump is yet, hopefully in a day or so. if it is not life threatening she may skip any procedures they suggest, her fear of the hospital is much greater since her last visit in the fall.
josh is driving me crazy but i guess that is expected since he is a teenager and quite moody.
but the most impressive part of my day was the fact that i really think i am getting over this break up, finally. even though my book i am reading is explaining all the things you will encounter when you find the right guy for you.... and i already encountered all of it with my ex.... and that did not work out like i had hoped.....
i know it has only been about 3 weeks but it has been a LONG 3 weeks.
i do still miss his conversation and companionship the most. but i am getting used to not having it. i miss loving somebody too.
i am sure as soon as anyone starts paying attention to me again, i will be just fine but at this point i know i need to get to know myself alot more.
i am taking the time to dress well and when i go out to the store i make sure my hair is brushed :)
josh and i are on vacation next week and once i get thru that i think i will be home free.... whatever that means.
my ex was going to go on vacation with us and i just could not wait to be able to share my favorite place in the world (cape cod) with someone i love (other than josh). the place where we stay on the water is so romantic and i just could not wait to sit with him on the deck in the evening and watch the sun setting over p-town with a glass of wine and holding his hand.
i have wanted that for years and i still have not been able to experience it.
everyone tells me that there is more out there for me.... and now i am excited to meet it head on.
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