emotions run deep

i thought i was done with this!
but apparently not.
today was so hard, everywhere i turned i was reminded of what i used to have. everywhere i turned there was a song, or a place or a memory, oh those damn memories.... why cant they stop?
i tried to keep busy all day, and i did a pretty good job, with a little help from my friends, but damn it was a hard day.
i found lots of tears in my eyes today, and they flowed like crazy this time. no welling up, just plain sobbing again. i really thought this part was over.
i know what is hard for me is that we were going to go to the cape together this week and i was so thrilled to be able to share something that means so much to me with someone who meant so much to me.
i know that his ex was going to take his son away for this weekend and we were going to spend this weekend together, and since we are not, i can only imagine what he is up to.

BUT NONE OF IT MATTERS because we are broken up and i just wish i could accept it (i do accept it, i just still hate it)
i feel slighted because i was FINALLY happy and so was he.
DAMMIT.

so here is some poetry, the first i have written since before i broke up with my ex. i guess it is time to get the creativity flowing again... maybe it will help me GET OVER IT!
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the sunlight on my face
down by the river today
looking up into the sky
i cried
thinking of all that i once had
thinking of why

i need the sunlight again
but now there is only moon
dimly lit room
sadness and gloom

tomorrow there will be sun again
somewhere
i hope that it is with me
i hope that i will feel free
i hope

my heart will be light
again on day soon
i will walk tall
i will be alone and not lonely
i will