it turns out that most of my uneasy feeling today was that i was coming down with something.... but it mimics the exact feelings i was feeling when my heart was ripped into 17 pieces just a few weeks ago.... so naturally i was confused.
it is like training a puppy not to pee on the floor, but every time i think of how i miss him or how much love we shared, i slap myself on the nose with the newspaper whose headline reads "EXTRA ...EXTRA ....HE BROKE IT OFF BECAUSE HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU"
then i try to get on with my work or whatever i was doing before it happened.
why do teenage boys have to be so..... teenage? being a single parent is very tough, but i dont even have a partner (ex husband or otherwise) to share in the discipline etc. it is very hard on me and sometimes i dont think i can pull it off.
everything always seems to come together but i dont know how i do it and i dont know how it happens. he is camping this weekend and i get to be alone again..... yay!
can you sense the sarcasm in my type?
but i will try to get things done and spend time with friends again.
really, honestly, everyday i do get better..... i just know that here is where i can write about the troubles i am having getting over this.... here is where i know i can be safe in speaking about how hard this all was. i am trying to say hi to people where ever i go and make new friends.
cant wait for someone to think i am sexy again (sorry but it is shallow and true) i hope it is soon, because i am sure that will help with my self esteem. actually i probably have to think that i am sexy first... you know, the whole be ok with myself and then everything else will fall into place.
right now i just want to get thru tomorrow at work, my last day before a weeks vacation, and then i can try to start to work on me again. and i would love to feel better too.... i hope this ailment, whatever it is, gets better before morning.
nothing worse than being sick on vaca..... yuck.
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