nausia

ok, i think i am going to throw up now.
i just put up an ad on yahoo personals.
i can feel the bile creeping up. i NEVER thought i would stoop to this level.
although the whole world does it now....

why do all the guys on the sites look like creeps to me? why do i feel like a failure because i cant find someone without the help of a freaking computer.
why did my last relationship have to be so freaking good and then NOT LAST!
damn him.... damn my ex for treating me like a queen and then ending it.

i am not going to contact anyone on these sites, i am going to see who contacts me.
it all scares me too freaking much.

the sad part is i think i am a pretty good catch, i think i am a great person and i do give everything i have to a relationship, it seems so odd that i cant 'find' a good match on my own.

why are the good ones all married, taken, or gay?
all that is left are the dawgs and the ones i am not attracted to ....
it is like leaping into the unknown... not a feeling i like too much.

tomorrow i am back to work, back to the daily grind.
maybe i will be so busy i wont have to worry about being dateless.... significant other less.....

i guess the basic need to be loved, held, cared for, adored..... those basic needs that i have are left open and for me it is like an open wound.