my new day

this is the beginning of my new day (even though it is 10:38pm). i have been thinking about starting this blog for a while and now i am taking the deer by the antlers and jumping off the cliff with my eyes closed and hoping i made a good decision. went to my friend helena's today and it is apparent to me that this is the thing that i have been putting off and this is the thing i need to work on for now.

i have just been thru a pretty horrendous emotional time with a wonderful relationship coming to a crashing halt, not of my own accord. this is my time to heal, my time to move on with getting to know myself, my time to transition into someone who i can really like, my time to learn to be comfortable in my own skin.

this blog is named after my 'company' in which i create handmade beaded jewelry, but more importantly it is named after my son JOSHUA. he is a wonderful kid, 13, great student, good person, supportive of his single working mom and my reason for being here on this planet. i know that this is my purpose, to be his mom, and do the best that i can everyday.

some days it is pretty hard. i am divorced but also, my ex-husband, josh's dad, passed away at a very young age of cardio miopathy (i hope i spelled that right). we have lived quite a roller coaster life over the last few years. i have cried many many tears and sometimes thought there was NO WAY there was another tear left inside me. this break up wrecked me, but now since a few weeks have passed, i know that i will be fine.... LOOK AT ME, I'M GONNA BE FINE!

i suppose it is a good thing to be able to cry, be able to feel emotion. sometimes i feel too much. i try to express my feelings in different ways. i write in my journal and i write poetry.

i am trying to get to know myself more these days now that i have all kinds of time on my hands, so this blog will hopefully help me do this. i dont know if i will have anything to say that will make anyone feel that they need to post, maybe no one will ever read this at all but me. but i want to try and see where it takes me on my journey.