damn

i did great all day long, and i am talking ALL DAY LONG. every time i thought of a memory or something that would make me sad or want to call him i told myself "MEMORY" and i looked in another direction immediately and changed the 'subject of my mind'.
it worked all day long..... until.....
i heard the first 4 notes of 'you're the best thing that ever happened to me' by gladys knight on the radio. i immediately shut it off and BURST into tears. and i am talking BURST.

damn.
so close, so good, so almost home free, so .... damn

i know i was never dumped like this before by someone who i loved this much. in fact i usually did the dumping.
i am a smart woman, a strong woman.... why did this wreck me so deeply.

uh, probably because the relationship was fantastic and i thought he was 'the one' and he thought the same of me..... that might be why i am wrecked

i am a very emotional person, especially these days..... this is going to take me so long to get completely over. i still want to call him or text him.... knowing full well that he might not take the call or ignore the text, i might get an answer to my question of ' how are you doing' as 'great, i found someone knew'

the answers i want to hear will never come. he has eliminated me from his life completely.

it makes a girl think.... why bother.
why bother doing all this, getting to know someone, giving them your heart and soul... for what? so they can trample all over your heart till it is nothing but a bloody mess on the floor where they left it?
so they can get what they need from me and then toss me aside?
why bother dating?
when i had something so right that ended up to be so wrong... it makes you wonder.... what else is out there for me? anything? nothing?

it is like outer space.... you just dont know what is out there waiting for you.... there could be someone just as wonderful who wants to be committed to me out there waiting to meet me.... but right now i am too afraid to step out the door ... never mind go into outer space where this guy is hanging out.

well ... where ever you are 'mr right' .... who ever you turn out to be.... the bar was set pretty freaking high recently and you will have to be pretty freaking good if you want to have my heart.
at least this i am SURE of.