it's not you, it's me

those words suck.
i know i am getting better but everyone tells me that there will still be the roller coaster moments when you just dont understand and you just want him back.
i KNOW that it was best that we separated now rather than later when he thought he would cheat on me if he did not have this time to himself.
i KNOW that i need to get to know myself more than anything right now, so i can be ok with just me.
I KNOW THAT I MISS HIM and everything about our relationship because it was so great.
how could he just end something so right? because he knew it was not right anymore? because he spooked himself by loving me so quickly? because he knew he wanted to be a player?
everything was SO right with him from the first day..... how could it all go so wrong? it makes me so leery to even date anyone else because this was so deceptive to me, all the time i thought this was 'the one' and it wasnt. all the time i thought our connection and our love was so REAL and it was not real enough to last.
i still dont understand the whole 'it's not you, it's me' thing.
but i have to understand because that is my reality.
we are broken up, no sign of getting back together, i am on my own, the love is gone, and it SUCKS!
i did another thing that 'we' had done in the past this evening, went to the place where we spent new years eve together. that was such a great night. we both loved every second of it.
i am still in disbelief sometimes that it is all over, that he could end such a wonderful loving relationship so quickly.
i try to trick my brain by telling myself that he was going to cheat on me, or he already found someone else by now.... just to help myself get over him.
love sucks!
now what?......