well, little did i know that this would replace my regular journal. i have not written in it for several days, i only focus on this. that is not a bad thing. my feelings are still coming out and that is the important part.
this morning i am ok. realizing i am on vacation next week gives me a few feelings, anxious to finish all my work so that my desk is not a hazard when i get back, happy that i will be able to go to the cape, upset at the money i will be spending (goodbye rest of IRS refund), worried that my dog will be ok at the vet (it's only 4 days, she will be FINE), happy that i can catch up on some much needed sleep starting in 3 days.
usually when i go away i have a hope for the vacation.... whether it is to finish a book, or to make jewelry, or to write poetry, or to get some good pics.... this is a short vaca so my goals have to be few.
i am not sure what my goal is yet..... probably reading and poetry.
i dont care if it rains the whole time, i love to be by the water, it is so peaceful to me.
i looked online at match.com last night.... i was scared by it.
i did not stay long.
i am not ready for any of that yet. my memories are good ones, but they are still close to the surface and i am not sure that i am ready for anything except breathing and living my life as josh's mom right now. i have to wait for the memories to sink down a little bit more.... or for me to swim closer to the surface.... which ever the case may be.
1 comment:
I am proud of you. As scary as it was, you just took a look. That's a huge start.
By the way, you do have a talent for writing, that's something I never knew about you.
And Patrick is right, it is not about 'enough'. I think it's more like unfortunate timing for the both of you. But now this breakup gives you the time to REALLY find out who you are. Embrace that. It is a gift, even though it doesn't feel that way right now.
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