new day
good attitude
this is a good thing

i slept ok, till 4am, which is how i roll these days
going to church to teach the high school kids
then to the gem show with gladys to spend money to make money, or so they say

then i hope to see jim, but i have to keep in mind that it might not happen, so i wont be disappointed when it does not happen, and i will be thrilled when it does happen.
it seems like we are back the way we were when we first started dating, having to wait a long time to see each other and not knowing when that might be.
for instance, jeans party in a few weeks, i would highly doubt that he will be able to go, because if he did, it would be a fluke. the only reason he made it to the wedding was because he jumped thru hoops to make it happen, i am glad he did that, it meant alot to me but he cant do that all the time .... and that part sucks
i just keep reminding myself that in 6 months time, and he is worth the wait, things will not be like this anymore.... or so i hope.

something is upsetting me ..... i worry that the few people that have met him, dont like him very much. some peoples opinions i dont really care about but others i do.
i fear this is because he has this "ON" personality that he uses when he is in public or crowds. i am sure it is from years of having to schmooze with people, being a club owner for years, and being the go-to guy for alot of things... but he does not use his "ON" personality with me, ever.
and i dont want my close friends and family to not like him because of this.
when we are together he is soft spoken and very caring, sure he drops the "F" bomb left and right but so do i so that does not bother me at all.
i just dont want to be the girl who shows up at the party and they all say, oh amy's here, oh shit she brought that guy with her again.

i guess people should not judge from one or two meetings and especially until they can see him with is "off" personality.
maybe i should not have written this, and really what people think of me or him will not change the way i think of him..... so i dont want to give them the power.
i may retract this post later but this is how i feel right now.
and i dont like even having to deal with this
i was married to the guy that everyone said, oh amy's here, oh shit she brought that guy with her again.... scott had that annoying "ON" personality too.
maybe i attract that
is there a neon sign above my head?
if there was... you would tell me right?

whatever......