there is a time frame
when you both are too busy to breath
and you have not seen each other in days
and you have not spent any amount of time together in weeks
this is the time that i get sad
it is my sickness
wondering what he is thinking and going thru
wondering if things are still ok
not knowing because i cant be with him
and i cant talk to him longer than a few minutes at a time
seeming in my head and my heart that it will be months and months
before i am let into his life totally
maybe it really wont be months and months but at this point
it seems so

this is a torture that i do to myself
and i am totally aware of this
and yet i still do it
it is not like i dont have a million things to keep me busy
and i have a million things on my mind
but i still worry
i still get sad
this is me
this is how i roll
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anyhoo.... busy freaking day at work today
i am freaking out
i hope that i can sleep tonight.

i am not looking forward to a weekend alone again.
yes i have jeans party on saturday night
but josh will be camping and the chance of seeing jim is as
usual, slim to none.

that freaking mother
if i ever meet her.....
grrrrr..... she sucks