so why is it that i cant have anything good?
i am a good person
i go to church
i do TONS for my church
i am a great loyal friend and will do anything to help my friends
i am crazy about my boyfriend

what have i done in this world to not let me have anything really good
when i met jim i thought oh my god this is so different this is so great
every time i am with him it is wonderful
but today after we spoke at around 2 i have not heard back from him at all and i left 3 messages
by the way, i am done.
that is enough messages, dont ya think?
i have no idea why he would not call me back... unless he was not at home. at his friends house and then home late... i dont know, i have no idea... it is not my job to guess or speculate
tomorrow is church and if i dont hear from him by noon i will just start cleaning my house.... what the hell else do i have to do.

jeff was not the first person to ask me, but he did ask me tonight if i am sure i am not the other woman. my first response is i am not the other woman, then i said i am the other woman to his daughter, then i just thought about it and i dont want to think about such things.

if i cant believe what i thought i believed about him then what is my life coming to.... how can i second guess what i was so sure of.
i just need to see him and talk to him
he said he will make it happen tomorrow but who knows really.
i hope that he does but i have no idea.

i only doubt myself because that is the natural thing for me to do. i think that i am not worth anything good, so i assume that i fucked something up or that something is wrong.
but we know this.... this is how i roll .... this is what i do....