so now i have drama
i almost fucked it up with jim
he was going to get a sitter and it fell thru and i expressed my anger and disappointment in an email
which prompted him to reply with
asking me if i wanted to take a break for a while

HELL NO i do not
i am such an ass
i knew i would do something to fuck this up and i did
so much for being yourself... i should have stifled my feelings for few minutes until the anger passed
i called and said no i do not want to take a break and asked him if he wanted to and he said no
suggested that i come see him tonight after she is in bed but i dont think that will happen
i am cooking ribs and coloring my hair and having a glass of wine and going about my business cause i am waiting for him to call and i would not be surprised if he didnt call tonight just to have a break from me
i would...

i am so sad that i may have messed everything up by putting pressure on him to see him.... he does not need that pressure and hell, i can wait to see him. it is not like i dont have tons of shit i should be doing anyway....
i feel horrible, sick to my stomach, i want to cry and scream and tell him i am sorry and just move on with our relationship but i cant until he calls me back.
my hair is almost done so i will go rinse it and style it and get josh dinner and try to make earrings and watch tv and keep my mind off what a dumbass i was and how i may have messed up the one good thing i have had in years just with my sarcasm and anger and lack of tact.