walking paths

contemplating the future is always a tough thing to wrap your head around. what is in store for me? who knows?
i am totally ok with being josh's mom and an employee of my company. i am truly good with myself now.
i do everything i can for my little family, everything i can. i try to keep a nice place to live and make sure we have food to eat and heat and hot water and everything that we need to live. i spend every dime i make on our living, and i hope i am doing a good job. i hope that my son will reflect back in 10 years and realize what i have done for him so that he can have his instruments and scouts and get to everything he needs to get to and keep up with everything every day. i hope someday when he is not working at McDonald's for a living he will look back and thank me for all that i have given him.
sometimes it seems that is not ever going to be the case. 13 is hard for a kid and hard for a parent. so moody and so grouchy all the time. so headstrong (but that is me too).
i look forward to the day when we can go to lunch together and both be adults and chat about real things and real people and feel totally real together.
it seems that that day is so far away and yet it will be here in a blink of an eye.
so i dont wish it away.... i just plow thru all this 13 year old crap like i am plowing deep snow.

on another personal note, this man that i am spending time with is so interesting and smart and funny, i enjoy his company immensely. i cant wait for the next phone call or the next time we can see each other. it is still so new it is hard to step back and see it clearly. i know that i do not want to be hurt like i was in the past. i want to go slow and learn more about him. see if he wants to learn more about me. that is an important part. some people can sit there and talk about themselves for hours and never even entertain the though of asking about the person they are with.
he does not seem like this type of person. he seems genuine. i am hoping that i am right in this thought process. i hope that things just continue to get better and better. maybe we have both been looking for each other in this process called life. who knows. i know that i have a really good feeling about him and i feel very comfortable with him. i think he feels comfortable with me too.

so i am taking it slow..... i am not seeing anyone else at this time.... i really want to see where this takes me. i want to see what paths i get to walk with this man.

i was once told that it is better to go thru the rest of your life with someone who walks by your side rather than someone who walks ahead of you or a little behind you.

i am wondering if this man is the man to be walking beside me in my future.... that is a nice thought.