evening, sleepy

first of all, the spell check is not working tonight so if i have misspelled anything.... get over it please.

you are right patrick, i did lie to myself as well.... but i kept going back to the professor because i was/am lonely. and he was all i had.
i know it was wrong, i can tell by the look on everyones faces when i told them about our 'relationship' if that is what you can call it.
i am glad he has not called, i dont want to deal with him ever again.


i also hope this new guy works out and i do deserve to be happy.

so i did something silly tonight
many of you would say i should not have done it
and i debated it for a while but did it anyway.
(let me premise this by saying that every day since i met the realtor he has called me, and emailed me, and when i say good night he says he will talk to me tomorrow... and he does...
not that it has been months and months, it has only been a few days, but he has a better track record than anyone else i have dated in the last 3 months.....)


so i was buying b-day cards for my brothers in law and i saw out of the corner of my eye one that said
'i think i am a sqirrel because i like you and you are a big nut'
it just caught my eye...
the inside says
'plus i am a bit skittish and indecisive too'
i loved it. it was perfect.
that was me
this is me
this is what i do
this is part of my giving 110%
so i bought it
and i looked at it for a while and then decided to write in it.
nothing lovey dovey, dont worry, just a thank you sort of note.
then i sealed it
then i looked up his address... his work address cause his home address is not listed, and i dont really remember what it was... i could guess but i might guess wrong.
then i tossed it in the car
then i went to the post office to buy stamps so i can mail my sisters shower invitations
..........then i mailed it!


and after i mailed it ... i did not regret it one bit

this is who i used to be.... i used to mail cards to special people just to show them i am thinking of them.... that was the old days before email... so to actually mail a card like that, says that you took the time to show the person that you care.
dont worry i wont make a habit of it.... i just felt it was the right thing to do at that moment
i know that he will smile when he gets it..... i just know this.
and again, if something like this turns him off or scares him.... then he is not the one for me because that is the person i am looking for... i am looking for someone who wants my attention, my affection.... eventually my love.