update

update
so the professor called at around 1:30 which was about 3 hours after the 4 minutes it was going to take to finish the golf game he was playing.... invited me to the shore for dinner

dinner you say?
yes, dinner!

so i immediately called jean to get her approval cause if she was going to be mad at me, i knew it would be a bad idea.
she told me i have to do what makes me happy
i felt that i had to do it so that i could make a decision one way or the other if this is the guy for me
i told patrick and he was upset with me, as i figured he would be.

but anyway, i went and he met me at the same coffee shop and we drove to galilee and parked and went to a restaurant with a 45 minute wait and while we waited we went to the beach and sat in the lifeguard chair and talked. then we went to dinner, while we were seated, i said 'so.... what happened when i was in cvs the other day buying medicine for my kid and you said you would call back in 5 minutes and you called back.... twenty... nine .... hours.... later when i was in bed?' he said i know i am sorry , but at least i did call. and then i pointed out the 3 hour lag today... he told me that he got busy and forgot to call me back, i told him that was not good at all.
then i mentioned the emails and he said he does not have time for emails at all.
it was all said jokingly, but i was serious and i am glad i pointed out those major flaws.
while we were waiting for our food he said he wanted to take me here because he knew that i liked to be near the shore. we had a nice meal. i had two glasses of wine. we stopped for coffee and went back to his house for about an hour and then i hit the road.
it was a nice visit. he felt bad having me come all that way when i was going to have to come back the next day. he knew it but had forgotten that i said josh was going to college in RI. when i said i have to drive him to bristol, he thought i meant CT

so anyway, what i got out of all of this was ......
it confirmed my thoughts that i probably wont be with him long
i dont think he can ever give me the attention i require .... and crave
he is great to talk to and we had a nice date.... but .....

now i am not hanging my hat on anything else at all.... i mean harley guy did not reply to my email and that might mean that he is not interested at all in me..... and the blues guy has not written back either.
so i will just go thru my day to day crap, do my work, keep my house from being too messy, enjoy my friends and let things just happen. i no longer feel that mad rush to find someone. yes it is true, maybe i will be alone, either for now or in my future.... but if that is the way it is supposed to be then that is life. i cant control it and i cant make someone love me
i cant take it personally either.... if these men are not attracted to me, mentally physically or emotionally, if they dont feel that they want to be with someone like me, that is their choice and it is no reflection on me.
i am a great friend, a good person, i can be pretty and i have alot to offer... and i just have to wait for the right man to come along to accept what i have to offer.

i was hoping that with this whole match thing, that i would have several men and that i would have to make a choice.... that never happened
the choices were made for me.