i am feeling weird
i am disgusted with my love life
disgusted i tell you
honestly i dont care right now if i have anyone or not... because i dont have anyone and that is the truth of it.
and what i really want in a man.... does not exist.
i always hope it does. i mean if someone really liked me enough, or even loved me by chance, then maybe they would give me the attention i desire so much.
that is what it comes down to ....desire, a craving of sorts
i have a man who has no time for me and when he does, he does not spend it dating me and it is pissing me off
i have two men who started talking to me in emails but i have lost track of them, probably because they are busy working... but still... leaves me hanging..... and leaves me feeling like no one wants to talk to me
i went to go see zeke tonight, he wanted necklaces, so i made them for him
i miss him. i never thought i would say that but i do. i wish i was with someone now so that i would not feel like i miss him so much. it makes me sad. we hugged and i miss that.
maybe i am just meant to be alone. sometimes i think that way. i am alone now and i am fine. i have great friends if i need company. i am busy as hell so it is not like i dont have anything to do.
these memberships are over on 7-29 and i will be glad to see them go for a while... but i truly hope i make a few real connections that last over into the real world.
if i dont and if it does not work out with the professor i might try online dating again, now that i know what it is all about.... but i am kind of tired and sad and dejected right now.
the rejection and the uncertainty is really more than i can handle.... i need some down time with no emails to check and no websites to surf
i need to just either find someone or give up i think. at least for now.
not one word from the professor since he left on monday night, he told me he would be busy... and he was right. if i was only seeing him (which i really am, just fooling myself) i would be pretty pissed.
here is my prediction...
he will call me friday and see if i have time... which i may just say no
and then tell me he is going away for the weekend
jean just called and invited me to the bidwell to see gene's band on friday so i think i will go, that will settle that. if the professor calls i will see if he wants to come too but i am sure he will say no. actually i will invite who ever calls me first :)
that is funny, i crack myself up.... no one is going to call! ha!
:(
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