fresh perspective

so today i woke with that breezy attitude back somewhere in my body
a little of the desperation gone from my tone
i realize that if this is not 'it' then that is the way it is meant to be

i am not forcing him to email and call, he is doing this of his own accord.... a hell of alot more than others have done in the last 3 months. granted eeyore was good for about a week....

i want so many things... i want to invite him to jeans party on the 31st, i want to have him invite me to the shore when he is on vacation the same week that i am, i want to invite him to my sisters wedding.
it is all still too soon for any of that.

the first thing that will happen is this weekend and if he chooses to spend more than one evening with me i think i will be doing really well. if he does not then i think he might be seeing other women and i know that if i am going to be the 'victor' in this, i just have to be myself, slow and steady wins the race and see where it goes.

i have to have the breezy attitude because if i am not the victor.... i have to not be crushed and move on.... or take a break for a while instead.
i dont know where this will lead.... i dont know where anything will lead.... i dont know where i will be tomorrow... but i have to just be myself and know that being me is good enough... it is good enough for any man i choose to date and if they cant see that, there is something wrong with them.

when ever someone chooses someone else over me i always immediately think their body must be better than mine... or a prettier face.... or longer hair.....
my personality is me, i cant change that and i like the person i am.
i cant do anything about my body or face and i cant grown my hair long, i hate it long and i am the one who has to 'deal' with it everyday.

i just hope for the man one day who meets me and acts like i am a breath of fresh air and really wants me... for me.... all of me.... good bad and ugly.....
if the realtor is not that man.... i will be sad but not crushed....
and if he is, i believe i will be quite happy with him.
until that is decided... i just go about my business and be myself.
clean my house and do my laundry and see my friends......

and go to work.... ugh!