another day

another day without the realtor
this is really sucking for me
tonight is russ' band in simsbury, i am going to go anyway, but i would have much rather had him with me
i would much rather be able to tell him a date and have him get a sitter
i would much rather have the facts that were told to me when i met him, that he has his daughter about every 4 days and then a couple days off... i would much rather have that information be true

i wrote the other day that maybe this is just a GIANT test of my patience (which we all know i have very little of)
maybe in the end this will be a fantastic relationship, after all the waiting.
even if i were allowed to be around his daughter, well it would be a bit better because we could go to dinner and then when she went to bed we could have time to talk.
but i am not even that far
and i dont know how long this will take

the patience of Job..... that is what my mother in law used to say about me when i was married to scott.
i never understood that because i have no patience for anything at all. i hate to wait for anything, i hate to wait in line, i hate to wait for a return phone call or email.

maybe this really is a test of my patience.
looking at the end results, he is a really great guy and i love being around him. this could be a great relationship.... it is just those end results are so far away.... they are blurry on the horizon and i cant make them out.... they could be good or bad from this distance..... maybe the waiting will help them be good results, maybe rushing things will steer them toward being bad results.
i dont know
i dont have the answers.

basically i have been alone all summer long, so what is a few more weeks.
and i have a guy who really likes me who talks to me each day
i guess i have to think more like it is a long distance relationship, like he is in another state, cause that is the part that kills me.... i could be there in 15 minutes if he called me.
so if i think that he is an hour away.... no i would still drive an hour.... if i think he is in the upper part of vermont.... then i might be able to handle this better.

but why do i need to handle things at all, why cant i accept and adjust and wait.
because i am impatient.... that is why.

the shower is getting closer and i have to pick up the last few things, and i start to cook tomorrow. i cant wait for it all to be over with.

and deep down i am sick to my stomach thinking that the realtor wont be able to get a sitter for the party and the wedding even though he has had a months notice for both.