i am doomed

i want to crawl under a rock and just stay there
i meet this great guy who is unavailable all the time
i am totally myself with him, on the phone and in emails and
i constantly think i have screwed something up, so far i haven't but
not so sure anymore.
sent a 17 page email,(well it was not that long but it was more than one page i bet)
patrick said there was nothing wrong with it but i have
gotten no reply
have no idea if he even read it
i have no idea what he thinks of me either before or after reading it
i dont regret sending it because i have re-read it a million times and there is nothing wrong with it at all
but i can see how maybe i might be 'too much' for some people
for some people too much is just enough
for others it is enough to make them run away.

i have to go to a scout meeting and i dont want to... gonna go and get it over with really fast and run.

gene and jean sent me one of those questionnaire things that you fill out and send to friends
one of the questions was what are you most afraid of
my answer
never being loved again

i really am afraid of that
it would be so sad.