bubbling emotions

patience patience patience
i think it is more my imagination and need to be in control of a situation.... that takes over more than the lack of patience
today is my party at jeans, actually it is jeans party and i am on the cake
my date is nonexistent
i know he probably did not get a sitter because he would have told me that he did
but still a call would be nice.
today we have immediate vm and the office phone which is usually switched to his cell is not switched so it just rings and rings cause no one is in the office to answer it
he could have lost his phone again... it has happened 3 times before so it is not unlikely that he lost it
or the battery is dead
or he is dead or in the hospital.... but if that were the case it would probably go to vm
i love the csi way that i figure this shit out
anyway
the one friend i invited to this party i dont think is going to come, yeah i am talking about you patrick

i want something to do, to keep my mind busy
i went thru a bunch of paperwork downstairs, not all of it but alot
i got gas, saved 80 cents per gallon, that means i paid under $3 a gallon!!! whooo hooo!
i cut the lettuce for the ceasar salad but i really cant make it until it is time cause it gets soggy
i went to target to waste time but i was only in there for about 15 minutes
i am going to go to jeans at 1 to help put out the tables etc and then i will come back over the river for josh and bring him to the party for 3
i dont know how i am feeling right now
i am sad because it is my birthday weekend and i am alone
i have cried a little bit twice today
when he emailed me a month ago and told me it would be his honor to be my date at this party and he would make sure he got a sitter, i believed him..... maybe that was my first mistake.

i am angry that he has not called and if he lost his phone and my number he could email me and tell me this.
my luck he is at the lake the battery is dead and he is planning on being out there all afternoon so he wont go back to charge it or get another battery and i will end up going the whole day without hearing from him.
which in the grand scheme of things is not the end of the world but dammit why cant i ever get what i want
do i have a black cloud over my head
do i have a neon sign that says 'skip this one'
should i start calling myself eeyore?

i just dont get it.