i am stupid

ok it would be so easy for me to just delete the last couple posts so that a few people would not see what i wrote and see what i was putting myself thru.
but where would the honesty be in that action.

this whole thing
this whole blog is about my journey to self.... no matter how bumpy the road gets
this was a slightly bumpy road with an incline and a fork :)
not really but i put myself thru hell in my head, and of course i put jean and patrick thru my hell too because they listen when i whine like this :)

but needless to say, when i was in target (the no-phone zone) the realtor called me, but when i left the building my phone did not tell me i had a voicemail.... bad phone!
so from 9am till when i got the message just before 5 and the message actually was recorded just before 4 ....
i put my brain thru hell thinking that i did something wrong to screw this up.
i replayed in my head and i could not find anything i did wrong.
patrick sent me a text that made me cry
he said, of course he will call you, why wouldnt he?
it made me cry because none of the other assholes called... but jean said that is exactly it, they were assholes.

i really like this guy
have i mentioned that lately, well i DO.

our personalities just seem to go together and i really want to see how this pans out.
i know i am still in the 'trail period' and i dont know how long that lasts for him, but i would guess a month at least.
when he did leave me a message he apologized for not getting back to me sooner and he was in an area that the service is not so good. said he would try again later but it is after 9:30 i am sure he is asleep .... i did return the call and explained i was in target when the call came in... left a breezy vm.

it is all still so new.
i want to believe him and everything about him.
but he could be a player too and maybe he was with another woman today.... probably not ....but i just dont know. and that is the kind of thing my mind goes thru.
this is EXACTLY why i am not looking at match.com anymore... i dont want to know if he has been online. i dont want to know.

i just want to go on being myself, who he seems to like quite a bit, and see if things progress for us. so i am going to go to bed now... early again... it is nice to get some sleep once in a while :)