grouchy

i am grouchy
must be the bad dreams and the demanding kid and the professor still trying to date me and the guy i want to date ... well i am dating.... can never see me and his world is turned upside down

i took a pill, i am hoping it helps
if not, i have about 15 bottles of wine in this apartment with my name all over them

i had a fairly productive day at work, did alot in the office before i had to go, accomplished what i needed at court, came back to the office to wrap up loose ends
went grocery shopping for my mom and got a few things for us
dealt with a sick grouchy kid via text msgs only
got some sweet advice on how to make the professor go away

my dilemma in my head is that if i tell him to go away completely then if it does not work out with the realtor then i will have no one who likes me and i will have to start all over
but when i think back i was not impressed with the relationship that the professor wanted to have with me and i like the realtor SO MUCH BETTER as a boyfriend, or just a friend really, he is a cooler person, better personality, .... just unavailable apparently.

so jean says to say .....
I do not think we should see each other any more. I am looking for a full time boyfriend,you knew that.. not just a date here and there. Going out with you only confuses the issue...I had fun the times we were together , but i need more. I did enjoy meeting you.
Thanks ,
bye

(my favorite part is the thanks bye!)

and patrick says to say....
dear professor
you're a douche. i learned patience and offered you everything but you still shit on me. i found someone else when you got too busy.
go away
amy

(i like the douche part!! and the go away)

so if i pick from both i think i have a winner, i just wish i could write it to him instead of tell him... or his voicemail.
so today i choose to do nothing.

the part that jean wrote about me wanting a full time boyfriend gets me though, because i dont have one now either.......
i called the realtor today at around 12:30 while i was waiting for court but i got his vm left a msg... no return call.
i called when i got back into CT and got immediate vm so i hung up
then i called at 5:15 and got real vm but still hung up.
he has the msg from before and he has the missed calls
i am done
he is probably getting his daughter ready for the first day of school tomorrow or meeting with the ex who entrapped him with an infant at age 47.

i have this sinking feeling every day that he is going to call me and tell me that he really does not have time for a girlfriend in his life right now and we should stop seeing each other, to which i will say, i am sorry what do you look like again?
only joking... it would pretty much crush me... again....because i never can understand why god lets me meet these people who i think are so great for me ...and me for them and it does not work out happy ever after... dammit.
maybe this is some giant patience lesson for me.
i mean i am in no hurry at all. i have a life to lead and friends who care.... i just see couples and i get sad because i want to be part of one.... and i am part of one, but i cant ever see him
maybe i am in his life to help him thru this crazy stuff.
i am thinking that within 2 weeks time things will either get better or worse. either the daughter goes to the mom's and we have time together, or she goes and he chooses not to call me, or he cuts me loose.
i keep thinking of when i met him and actually every day up until sunday when he found out about the infant in his life.
well, as usual, we had a good talk yesterday and i have no reason to think anything different... so i am going to go downstairs and eat and maybe drink and rest and maybe nap and live my life....

alone.