i need more sleep!

i just woke up from the last two hours of bad dreams... filled with first day of school horrors,first day back to work horrors, running, chasing, being chased, wrong turns, car breaking down, josh hanging out with kids cause he thought they liked him but really they only did because there was no one better around and they get into trouble at the drop of a hat.

i had to write this now while i remembered it all.... it was a very un-restful night of sleep.... fucking pete... i am sure he is the reason....

i sent a nice email to the realtor explaining my bad mood yesterday... and i felt better about it after i sent it to him last night.

off to the showers to get ready to go back to work... i feel like shit, i am sure my eyes are puffy as hell and i am not in the mood for work at all.... dont feel like training the new girl, dont feel like dealing with the crapola that work has to offer... but i gotta pay the bills.....
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ok i am writing again this morning cause i still have time before i go to work... where i do not want to be going.... do you see a pattern here?

i know that i have to forget about this pete thing.... they are beneath me and i dont have to worry about any of it anymore....
it still bothers me for two reasons
1) it does not pay to be a decent person and wish someone well
2) you can get cheated on at any time and never even know it, especially if you dont live with the person.... and it just makes me sad to not be enough for a man that i am with.... not meaning pete..... i mean the realtor.... i hope that i can be enough to keep him happy.... and that he can keep me happy as well.

and i have to adjust to not being able to see the realtor but keep a relationship going in between the dates.
we have had some good conversations lately, longer than 4 minutes and that is always good.
i know that he reads my emails because when we talk about stuff that was in them he acknowledges that he knows what i am talking about.
he has a busy day today and probably wont respond to my emails today.... but i hope to talk to him later tonight at least.
i do have to email him the dates of the party and wedding so that he can mark it on his calendar... i will wait to see if he replies to me.... so i dont seem like a pain in the ass.
i know i can be one.... often....