sad

ok this is going to take alot of getting used to
this man is a great match for me
i enjoy his company so much
our personalities are similar, we want the same things from a relationship
he is sweet and kind and a great father
i am attracted to him

BUT
he is very busy and he ALWAYS has his daughter.
i met him about a month ago and the mother has had her for 3 of those days/nights
the other two times i saw him, she was at a friends house.
this is killing me
i want to be with him so bad and i CANT
i know he wants to be with me too
but he CANT

i have no control over this situation
none whatsoever
that part is killing me too, cause when i want to have something happen, i can usually make it happen....
not this time....

maybe this is a lesson in self control
maybe this is helping me get to know myself.... the whole journey that i started in april
maybe because slow and steady wins the race (as i have been taught) means that this will turn out to be more wonderful than anything i thought it could be.

i am most saddened because i probably cant see him friday like i wanted to
and i will be really up set if i dont get to see him on my birthday because i gave him months notice... and my sisters wedding too... that will suck if i dont get to be with him then either.

i am getting my act together for the shower, susan has picked up all the decorations and paper goods
i will get the rest of the food and cook on saturday and sunday
it will all come together

going to see kim tomorrow night.... i blew her off last week to go to the beach with the realtor
so i owe her dinner tomorrow night....

all i know is that i am sad that i finally found a guy i am excited about and i cant ever see him....