better today no worries

ok the farther i get from last night i can realize that i was just having a moment.
it was something that i wanted so badly and it did not happen so i freaked, and i cried.
not enough though, i can feel it still inside me, waiting to come out, probably at the most inappropriate moment too :)

i am having some health issues too, going to the doc next week and hope it is nothing ... but it could be something... but i hope not.... say a prayer please.

i was busy all day long... went to worcester... i love it there because i can be useful. i know i am useful in bloomfield but i like to do different things sometimes.

now we are about to go to josh's doctors appointment and then at 6pm jean is having family over for kevins birthday. we will go there for a while too.

i feel ok with the way i left things with the professor.... i did call monday and tuesday evening and left a voicemail but they were not needy pathetic voicemails... they were just saying how i was thinking of him and hope to hear from him soon.
i left that email too, basically saying the same thing but with more words.... breezy words.
now i am done.
we had sunday which was wonderful
i left my two msgs and email
he did touch base with an email and told me work was very busy

and now it is up to him, completely.
i know who i am and what a good person i am
i know the great time we had on sunday
i know that i am ok if he never calls again, i will survive just fine
i know that if he does call then we can start this new dating relationship with
a clean slate and no other distractions.

i am feeling confident and breezy right now... and later i will be too tired to be anything but sleepy.
tomorrow i may go with jean to see the stingrays in hartford, josh will be getting on the bus for cape cod tomorrow am at 7:00!
wont be back till sunday at noon, so i hope to have a date on the weekend, but if not another friend has invited me to her house on friday evening too and then i would only have to deal with saturday and i have a few movies out from the library anyway.
if the professor does call ... he may be at that conference this weekend.... so i might be alone either way.

i will be fine. i am much better today, i hope!