content saturday

i keep wondering if i have actually turned a corner here in my life.
have i actually become comfortable in my own skin?

i still think it is too soon to tell but there is a good chance that i have.
i look around myself and dont hate everything anymore... i know this is what i can provide for my little family and that is all i can do.
i am happy with myself
i am happy with my friends and my job
i am happy with my lot in life as caretaker for both my mother and my son

and i look forward to promising things in my future
i look forward to having that special person in my life who really loves me for who i am... all of me... not just sex or someone to cook for them.... not just one thing.... every thing.

i dont know if the professor is that person or not, but i am willing to give it a try.
all i know is i dont need to date someone right this minute.... i am ok with what is in my life right now.

someone will love me someday, i know this fact. i dont know how long it will take but someone will love me again, and maybe forever.

this is an uplifting thought for me. i have not had many in the last few months. some things i thought were uplifting were just time consumers, time wasters.
i am feeling confident in myself. confident that i will not be alone the rest of my life. confident that i am a beautiful person inside and out and someone will want to be beside me someday to share things with me in life.
again i have no idea if that man will be the professor or not. but just being myself with him from day one, from second one, i can feel confident that at least there is a start of something there. with him i dont think there will ever be a personality conflict, i think if there is a problem it will probably come down to scheduling time together or possibly if he has some habits that he is stuck in his ways with that drive me nuts... or vice versa.
but again... too soon to tell any of that.

today i am going to do some stuff for my mother and maybe hit the driving range, going to go to the bank too. might call laurel and take a ride with her. might get to catch up with jean too this evening.

i have absolutely no anxious feeling right now. i do not consider myself 'with' the professor yet. i consider myself seeing him. it is a good feeling. it is a content feeling.
i dont feel in a rush to do anything right now. except maybe get to the bank before they close... but that is not even a rush.