i will have fun

the goal here is to turn the claddagh around :)
those of us on the inside know the real meaning of that one.....

anyway, had a busy busy day at work, month end procedures are started and will finish up tomorrow... did alot of stuff, a little of everything.... josh is off to the cape with sage park 7th grade for a week, no cell phones.... he will be fine i am sure, but i have not had him away for a week without contact since last summer at scout camp and even then we still got update emails from the leaders at least once during the week.
this is the beginning of a summer where josh is going to be missing alot.....
this week, then 4 days at the end of june, 5 days in july, then 3 weeks in july and august and then 1 week in august... then school starts a week after that!
when he comes home he will be a different kid..... i will miss him even though we fight all the time.
while he is home i want to get him and ben together a few times too... they are good for each other i think.

so on to the guys....
F called me at lunch time, i did not answer the call, i was not in the mood....
S never called or emailed all day until around 7pm... about 14 words.... i have not replied .... i dont know what i want to say to that, to him, at all.....
P.... had a nice evening with him watching sitcoms, laughing alot, had a light dinner too. this is an unlikely one, it started off that i saw his pic online several times, he kept coming up in matches for me, and i noticed him on both services..... and i kept looking and not doing anything... then when i got pissed at S, i emailed him and two other guys, one never acknowledged me and the other two were F and P.
we speak very well together, intelligent conversations about real interests, and we laugh, love his sense of humor.... it is a good fit. i am glad i went out on a limb and emailed him.
seeing him thursday too.... going to jean's for a get together.... i am feeling comfortable about this now..... i asked if i was competing with any other women and he said not at all.

i am calm about this now. you know me, when someone does not call i immediately think they are a) dead b) hurt c) with someone else.
and if i go with c i then beat myself up about something, usually nothing i did at all, but i assume that if they are with someone else then i must have done something wrong or bad or stupid.... but most cases, it was nothing at all.
i am learning so much about myself in this journey.... i may not be taking anything away and applying it in real life, but i am learning.....