no call no harm no foul???

so i suppose some people would say 'he didn't call you back, that was rude'
others might suggest that he was busy or under the weather and was not able to call
others might suggest that maybe he is just not that 'into me' and i was not in the forefront of his mind and he forgot to call me
even others still might suggest that maybe he was out on a date and did not call.

and really i just dont even care.

i care that i let him borrow our Narnia dvd to watch with his kids and i want it back if he is trying to dump me
i care that it would have been considerate to just call and say he could not make it, even if he was going on another date, he could have lied and said he was tired and going to bed.
and i care that if he is avoiding me, that means i am going to have to start.... all .....over..... again argh! and i really like new patrick!!

and most of all i care because i still want someone who thinks about me all the time and wants to call me and see me and text me and email me... not necessarily all those things but a few would be good.

i do care that i am not nearly as upset about this as i would have been a few weeks ago
i care that i think i am getting to be ok in my own skin

i think that honestly he likes me but i think he is waiting to see if someone better comes along.... and if that is the case then i am not the one for him.
i have no proof of this,... i just have a feeling.

or maybe he is totally into me and he just does not show it the way i would prefer... which also sucks cause hello... i would love to have some sort of positive reinforcement here.

again my head goes back to the connection i had with scott from yahoo.... it was instant... it was fun and consuming... it was what i wanted.... and then it went away....

why does that happen? why am i put thru good that leads to bad? why am i put thru mediocre that leads to bad? why is there never just good... or dare i even say it.... great... mutual great... not just great on my end..... again i say argh!