i dont like monday

so after reading my 'i'm ok mantra' again today, i still feel the same way.
this process is hard and nobody ever said it wouldn't be.
rejection, scrutiny, the ability to just never call or write again and not have anyone think anything different.
look at frank, he called once last week, i did not call back and he has not called since
look at scott, he finally stopped writing as well.... is it that easy to just say 'i'm done with you now'? or is it easy for a man? if i were done with someone, i would have the decency to call and tell the person i was done.
but when people are done with you, that does not make you less of a person, it just means that you were in a relationship (or start of one) that was not a good fit.
but the alternative is ..... i have no one even looking at my profiles, and have not for over a week... i did not care or notice because i was preoccupied with new patrick... but now that i am not, i notice.
so i have to continue to tell myself that i am ok and i dont need a man, i just want a man.
i have to continue to remind myself that if new patrick never calls again, it is a loss but i can move on.
so i will go to work and be busy all day, i will see jenny at a lunch time apointment and i am sure she will have lots to say about my behavior. i will make that phone call, backing up the the text i sent, just in case he did not get it.... and then back to work and i guess that will be it.
it is just sad to know there was something that felt so right and it most likely is out the window at this point. because of me most likely....
live and learn and then get luvs.... that's what i always say....