i got alot done yesterday but not nearly enough.... ain't that always the way.... i did clean the kitchen and i went thru my mail, but i have not separated and put away all the stuff i have to keep that came in the mail.... still have to pay more bills and figure out how i am going to come up with the money for josh's summer camp stuff.... i cleaned up my bedroom and changed the sheets.... already i have another 3 loads of laundry ready for me.....
today is another busy day.... church and then immediately off to a kids beading birthday party in granby.... probably be there till 2 or so.
i am getting fed up with myself.... wanting certain things, not getting them, not being able to make up my mind about certain things, not having time for myself... just to breath.
i hope to take my morning walk today just to have a few minutes to calm myself before the crazy day begins.
after church josh has to come home to pack for the cape tomorrow. he will be gone a week.... i will miss him.... and i hope he will be safe and happy while he is gone..... this is just the beginning of a summer that he will be gone for 5 more weeks.... i wont know what to do with myself!
without having to cart him around, and less meetings than in the normal program year.... i will certainly have time for myself then.... i hope.... i have not picked up a book since the day my mom was in the hospital....
as for men, well, i am naturally confused.... scott is still basically dropped out, he sends me short emails here and there, very short ones.... i return the favor with equally short emails.... at this point it is just keeping contact.... i have no idea what will happen with this one.... i still feel the connection but he is so far away and gas costs so much that i cant see us seeing each other very often, since he is job hunting, who knows what areas he is sending his resume out to... could be closer... could be further....
patrick (not my patrick, new patrick)is very cool, talked a few times yesterday, made some plans for this coming week, but i just dont know about it.... i dont know if this is a match... or not... too soon to tell. there is something there.... just need to see where it goes.
frank dropped off the face of the earth yesterday, maybe he was out on a date :) he is a nice guy but i did not feel a connection like the others, just a really nice guy.... i think i need alot more than that.
right now i am too busy to really worry about who or what or which one.... it is 7 am and i am about to get ready for a hectic day.... i would be very surprised if any of them call me at all.... i am ALWAYS the pursuer, always.... and i am so sick of it....
that is what i am looking for, someone who is thinking about me all the time and lets me know, with a phone call or text or email.... (right now i have one that cant send and rec texts on his phone and the other two, one does not know how to do it and the other refuses to do it) this only leaves email and phone..... (one sends me 7 words at a time, another never gave me his real email address, and the last works with computers all day and hates to turn them on at home.) therefore.... the last venue is the phone.... sometimes it is like a game in my head.... who will actually call me before i call them.... usually 'no one' is the answer..... i am so lame.....
i know the guys probably love it when the woman calls them first so they are probably sitting there waiting for me to call..... argh! but i am afraid to call because i dont want to be perceived as a stalker!
there is no right answer here......
all i know is i am busy as hell and cant wait for about 3 pm today when the really busy part will be over and i can maybe go thru more paperwork.
wish me luck!
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