vulnerable

mom's incision is looking great, we dont have to go back to dr johnson anymore, unless there is a problem.... yay!

my day was full.... yet i still had lots of thoughts of the professor and wondering if he will call.
i wonder if he is still thinking of me the same way he did that day, or if it has all faded,... like the sunny day at the beach was what was captivating, not actually me like he said.

it is about 45 minutes from when josh and i have to go to a scout picnic... i hate picnics.
it is the last meeting for the summer and there is some informational stuff so we have to go.
i am having these pains in my stomach and i am not liking it much.

i cannot wait, i mean seriously cannot wait till the professor calls.
i am not sure i have cell service at northwest park where the picnic is being held... so i hope i dont miss his call because of stupid scouts!

i know i will feel better when i speak to him again. i know i will feel better when i see him again, and now that the schedule is cleared... when will that be?
he might be away this weekend on a planned trip but if not, i really hope i can see him again.

i am feeling lethargic and unhopeful... the same way i always do when i am waiting for a call.
i want to feel happy again. i want to feel secure in a relationship, and know that the man that i am with really likes me and really wants me and will call.

this up in the air stuff is for the birds.
i am going to leave shortly.... will probably write later because either a) he will call and i will be excited or b) he wont call and i will be totally bummed out.

i feel so vulnerable now because i had such connections with this man and i am really ready to open up my heart to him, if he wants it, if he wants me.... and so easily i could be crushed again.