more confusion

now i am even more confused.... even though i got home so late, the night seemed to last forever, i woke up about 5 times, i mean woke up totally, then tried to sleep again.
these two men are completely different.
they are two different types of people. the professor is a man... i mean new patrick is too but the professor looks like a grown man... he looks like my doctor.. and my sons doctor.
he is highly intelligent, highly sensitive, highly accomplished, totally secure...
new patrick is more like a struggling dad like i am a struggling mom, except i know he makes more money than i do. patrick seems younger... and he is younger by only 3 years. but seems about 10 years younger.... it is not that the professor moves slow or anything like that, it is just patrick seems like he is in his 30's and the professor seems his age.
nothing wrong with either.
i guess i am really looking for what i am looking for.... if that makes sense.
do i want to feel emotionally secure, calm, cared for, respected......
do i want to ride on motorcycles and watch movies and hang out....
do i want someone to play with my kid and have kids of his own that can play with my kid....
do i want someone who can talk intellectually with my kid....

these are all different types of things and it is all really too soon to judge with the professor and it seems that i have to make a decision with new patrick very soon so that i dont let it go on any longer than it needs to, if he is just not that into me....
he never calls unless it is time to do something together. and if he has his kids, forget it.
i feel that the professor is going to call all the time... because it is important to him and he knows it is important to me.

first time connections are so important, i write about them in my profile, i want the connection, the spark.
it says alot to be able to have 6 hour conversations.
sometimes when i talk to new patrick i dont even think he is listening.... maybe it is just me....
wow, i am glad i am writing this today.... i needed to work it out and this is helping because i know my 4 friends who read this will tell me what they think.... they have already told me what they think about new patrick... but this probably sealed his fate.
the only thing is i am a person of my word and i made a date with him for wednesday and i suggested doing something this weekend maybe on saturday... so i dont know if he is going to take me up on that or not....
i will definitely see him wed. and get my dvd back and then i will see how the rest of the week pans out, if the professor calls, and what the content of the calls will be like.
oh, god.... i hate decisions....
this week is a hectic one, doctor apts for mom and josh, court in mass again on wednesday, and i am sure there are other things, plus my heartache!!
argh!