new tuesday

good morning.
needless to say i had a restless sleep from about 3:30 on
i try not to let these things bother me but they do.... but really i am MUCH better than in the past.
right now i am more irked that i may have to start this all over again.
granted he might call me today and apologize for not calling, he was tired, his mom called, bla bla bla... but the other side of that coin is that he never calls... which would not fit his personality at all.
and also if it is a case that he really is not that 'into' me, i was fooled by his actions to think that he was 'into' me..... again a case for a possible apology call today or tomorrow.

i am feeling very much like an empowered person, and i am not feeling like i need to contact him again right away.
this is on him.
now we all know me... the week will not end without another call or text from me.... but today i am feeling good about not calling or texting... at least i am good about it right now... who knows what the evening will bring.

if i have to start this all over again... it will be very discouraging.
but i guess that is what people do.... try others on until you find the one that fits right.
i am just tired of it.
i am tired of people not just liking me. the rejection, the scrutiny, the testing the waters.
the past relationships i just fell into... granted the were not be all end all relationships.... there were flaws with all of them. but i did not have to try, they just landed in my lap.

all this trying so hard is getting on my nerves. what is so wrong with me, my personality, that new patrick is not drawn to me.... and who knows maybe he is and he is so stand offish about showing how he feels, i just cant tell!

i want another date with him to tell him that i have no idea how he is feeling about me, and please give me a clue.

i really want to call eeyore, that connection was so obvious it had sparks flying out of it.... but i wont.... at least not now.... i will lay back and wait to see what happens with patrick. and if it does not work out, i will ......try.... again..... argh!

everything with patrick is so comfortable and seems so right..... i have no indication at all that he wants to stop seeing me.... maybe something came up and he just could not call, or i called so early in the day that by the end of the day he forgot, or maybe he had one of his kids games and was not able to call.... any of these reasons could be true and like i said, i have no indication that anything is wrong between us at all..... so i guess .... i wait.