mid day rant

sometimes when i am thinking clearly i write to my friend jean, and also when i am not thinking clearly :)
this morning i wrote a few positive things to her and i wanted to put them up here as affirmation to myself... in case i forget how i am feeling today... cause that is how i roll sometimes... i forget the good stuff... need to remind myself whenever possible.
---------------
---------------
so if he cant see me tonight i will just try to set up the next time before i get off the phone with him and then focus on other things.
i sent a text this morning saying
'thinking of you, hope you are feeling better today'

i was not going to send it, for fear it would be pushy..... but i am realizing that 'this is me'.... this is the way i am.... lots of people like the way i am... i dont want to try to be somebody else just to get him to like me or not be scared of me.
it is like what i said last week after your party, yes i regretted saying it afterward but at the time it felt right.... that is me
i am a blurter, i am a texter... i like to keep contact..... oh well....
if he is a scared rabbit then maybe it is not going to work out for us.
i do like him but i cant be somebody else.... right?

i think that is my main problem, i say stuff... then worry i should not have done it
or if we dont make the next date, i worry that he will never call again.

but you know what? if he never calls again... screw him!
it is not like he forgot about me or forgot my number or lost his phone or did not know how to contact me on match.com or got laryngitis for 3 weeks (oh pooh)... so if he does not call or want to see me again... there must be a reason on his end... not mine.

no, the text was not pushy, it was caring, and i would love to have someone care enough about me to text me like that.
----------------------
----------------------

maybe he is the one, maybe not... i do like him alot and i feel a connection growing... would love to see where it goes.... i will be crossing my fingers and toes and saying a prayer that i get to see him tonight.... to let the connection grow even more. i feel very comfortable with him and he makes me laugh so much my sides hurt. two very good traits to have in a boyfriend.